I hate myself, sometimes.
I hate the way I always screw things up, the way I make stupid mistakes, the way I’m sometimes selfish (and it is always a bad time for me to be), the way I can’t seem to find the balance I’m so desperately searching for. I hate that I hurt people, and that I let them down.
I hate myself.
Very Important Day. ‘Nuff said.
It has been a while (quite a long while actually) since I posted here. Life has been hectic, yes. I’ve been busy, yes. But mostly my problem is that with all the crap going on at the moment, I honestly have no way to put into words what I’m feeling and thinking. Not in a way that wouldn’t offend the readers of this blog (few though they are), anyway. But then, I have a private LJ for stuff like that, and it is suffering worse than this blog for posts. The real reason I haven’t written is that everytime I sit down to write, I get distracted every five minutes, and give up.
I’ve just had to take Stephen’s fish up to Mum, because it’s bleeding. Apparently Tiffany poked it with a straw. Who, in their right mind (even if it is a six year old mind) pokes a fish with a straw?
Anyway, I shall write about Christmas with the family, and then I will write about MySpace.
Christmas this year was really good. Not only was Gentil invited, but I got to drive Mum, Gentil, Stephen and myself to the Roxburgh Park Hotel, where we had lunch. Then we went back to Nana’s to open presents. It was chaotic, but much less than previous years. Now that there are more teens and no toddlers, Christmas is rather low-key. For me, anyway. That wasn’t Gentil’s impression of the day, and I can’t say I blame him.
I recieved a few gift certificates for Armstrong Driver Education, some underwear, my new pretty shoes, a book by Sandra Brown, a gorgeous bag, and a very special gift from my uncle: chocolate flavoured body paint (complete with a brush) and the card game, “Sex!”. At least when I do sleep with Gentil, he won’t want to kill him! =) Gentil got oil paints, canvas paper, a t-shirt, and the Saw II DVD.
So all in all, Christmas was good. I’m spending the night before Christmas Eve with Gentil, then having dinner on Christmas Eve with his parents. My Nana has kindly offered to give us a lift back to my place so I can play Santa with Mum and help her wrap presents. Gentil will spend Christmas Day with me and my family. =) Yay.
Then, on New Years Eve, we’re going to Anthony and Nicole’s. Ah, I have a life. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
Now, onto MySpace. I joined a while back, promising Gentil I would beautify his MySpace.. and I still haven’t done that, but I will. Anyway. So, it turns out I know a few people who use MySpace, so now I have like.. 18 friends. *blink* I still hate MySpace though. But at least I’m not friendless. I won’t have to get all depressed and angsty because I have no friends on my friends list, or feel unloved because no one wants to talk to me.
People comment on my comment board. They read my bulletins. They check out my hot friends (it’s good I have hot friends, like Sam, because then guys stay friends with me in the hopes I will lead them to more hot chicks) So yes, I am loved on MySpace. I’m not a MySpace whore, I’m just a MySpace.. user. *shudders* It almost physically hurts to say that. Damn MySpace.
I actually have found something of worth on there, though. This quote: “Aw, you think I’m a stuck-up bitch? Well join the club, you slutty whore.” I love it. I’m going to make an image of it and post it everywhere.
Gentil is asleep as I write this. He looks adorable. =) Just so I don’t forget, last night, the 21st of December, 2006, was an important night in regards to our relationship. And that’s all I’m saying. I just wanted it written somewhere for reference, so I won’t forget the date.
Ciao. xo
The PostSecret gallery is fixed, and just in time for an update! So tomorrow there’ll be even more postcards, yay. I also want to work on the layout tomorrow, cause I’m bored of this one.
Now I’m going to bed, though, cause it’s late and I’m tired. Oh wait, no.. I better do the categories first.. *grumbles*
-EDIT- Categories have been done, yay.
Photobucket has deleted a few of the large PS images in the gallery, so it will be offline for up to a day (or two.. or three, or four..) while I transfer all the images over to my webhost and edit the URL’s in the pages. The pictures apparently violated their terms of service. I don’t care, I have backups of the pictures, but the hassle of moving them has pissed me off slightly. There’s something like 74 pictures, which means there’s that many URL’s.. still, at least it happened now and not later.
Oh, and I’m going to add a stat counter to my website.. so I can see how many people are visiting my pages. =)
A longer update will be posted later tonight.
I haven’t updated for AGES.. tsk tsk. I’ve just been really busy with important stuff like PASSING SENIOR VCAL! Can I get a wOOt?! =P
Even though we haven’t finished the year fully, and we haven’t got our certificates yet, Gentil and I know we’ve passed. How incredibly awesome. What I find even more awesome is that it’s the first thing that either of us have accomplished in six years. The coincidences between the two of us are scary, almost. Very cool, though. So yep, we have a bunch more Cert III Math work to do, but if we finish all that, we’re in the clear, baby! Two weeks, and we’re through. Thank the heavens.
Today in class we started painting canvasses for the rec area in building R. We’re working on a togetherness type theme, sharing and caring and such, so I found a picture of two hands clasped together. I’m going to glue it onto the canvas and then paint over it. The part I love the most though, is the background.
I mixed blue and red paint together to get purple, and I ended up with this really dark purple, and then this lighter kind of maroon purple. I painted it in vertical stripes, and the two colors just sort of blend together. It looks awesome, and I’m sure when I’m done I won’t want to leave it at TAFE. Hopefully I can do another one, maybe as a Christmas present for someone.
Speaking of Christmas presents, I ordered Gentil’s the other day. *grin* He’s bugging me about what it is, but I won’t tell him. He’ll love it though, I hope. If he doesn’t, I’ll.. do something. *coughs*
I’ve been playing Valhalla a little more of late, even getting Gentil into it a little. LaNaya started her guild, yay. Sanctuary of Dreamers. Members aren’t a worry, I’d prefer if the guild stayed as just her, actually. That way she doesn’t have to deal with guildmembers, and she still gets her title.
It was incredibly hot today. Luckily I prepared for this, and wore a dress (*gasp*), lots of sunscreen, and open toe shoes (*gasp*). Yes, I wore a dress and open toe shoes. Gentil said I was gorgeous. =) I kept checking myself out in mirrors, rofl. I’m insane. I got whistled at, too! When Gentil and I were walking to his place. I was all high and happy for a little, it was a nice ego boost. I feel self conscious in dresses, and the one I wore today was rather low-cut. For me, anyway.
Meh, it’s so late already. Ciao, time for bed.
I got back from Gentil’s a few hours ago, and I thought I would post about my weekend while I took a break from writing my HTML/CSS presentation. First of all, quote of the weekend (from me of course =P):
“I’m so smart I confuse myself.” I said that as an excuse for my blondeness, but I don’t think anyone fell for it. Second of all, Gentil has decided he wants to open his own school. The classes? Tee hee:
He’s terrible. None of those were thought up by me, either. *coughs*
We watched Saw II on Saturday night.. it was awesome. Makes me want to go and see Saw III sooo bad. I <3 the Saw movies. I had a fantastic weekend, minus the rather odd moodswing on Saturday night.. *shakes her head* Oh, and we got work done, too. So there, Chris! We don’t -only- make out! =P
That’s actually all I can think of right now.. *sigh* Back to the tutorial.. which I’m going to put up on this site when I’m finished. I’ve always wanted to write one (which is partly why I chose to for my end of year project), so I figure I may as well put it on my website.
OH! On Tuesday, I hope to buy my own domain name! *crosses fingers* I hope I can.. I so badly want my own domain. It’s so fetch! *coughs* That was NOT a Mean Girls quote.. really.. it wasn’t. *coughs again*
Alrighty, ciao people. (Which reminds me, I still haven’t redone the site.. *mutter* December, I promise.)