I hate myself, sometimes.

I hate the way I always screw things up, the way I make stupid mistakes, the way I’m sometimes selfish (and it is always a bad time for me to be), the way I can’t seem to find the balance I’m so desperately searching for. I hate that I hurt people, and that I let them down.

I hate myself.

Very Important Day. ‘Nuff said.

It has been a while (quite a long while actually) since I posted here. Life has been hectic, yes. I’ve been busy, yes. But mostly my problem is that with all the crap going on at the moment, I honestly have no way to put into words what I’m feeling and thinking. Not in a way that wouldn’t offend the readers of this blog (few though they are), anyway. But then, I have a private LJ for stuff like that, and it is suffering worse than this blog for posts. The real reason I haven’t written is that everytime I sit down to write, I get distracted every five minutes, and give up.

I’ve just had to take Stephen’s fish up to Mum, because it’s bleeding. Apparently Tiffany poked it with a straw. Who, in their right mind (even if it is a six year old mind) pokes a fish with a straw?

Anyway, I shall write about Christmas with the family, and then I will write about MySpace.

Christmas this year was really good. Not only was Gentil invited, but I got to drive Mum, Gentil, Stephen and myself to the Roxburgh Park Hotel, where we had lunch. Then we went back to Nana’s to open presents. It was chaotic, but much less than previous years. Now that there are more teens and no toddlers, Christmas is rather low-key. For me, anyway. That wasn’t Gentil’s impression of the day, and I can’t say I blame him.

I recieved a few gift certificates for Armstrong Driver Education, some underwear, my new pretty shoes, a book by Sandra Brown, a gorgeous bag, and a very special gift from my uncle: chocolate flavoured body paint (complete with a brush) and the card game, “Sex!”. At least when I do sleep with Gentil, he won’t want to kill him! =) Gentil got oil paints, canvas paper, a t-shirt, and the Saw II DVD.

So all in all, Christmas was good. I’m spending the night before Christmas Eve with Gentil, then having dinner on Christmas Eve with his parents. My Nana has kindly offered to give us a lift back to my place so I can play Santa with Mum and help her wrap presents. Gentil will spend Christmas Day with me and my family. =) Yay.

Then, on New Years Eve, we’re going to Anthony and Nicole’s. Ah, I have a life. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

Now, onto MySpace. I joined a while back, promising Gentil I would beautify his MySpace.. and I still haven’t done that, but I will. Anyway. So, it turns out I know a few people who use MySpace, so now I have like.. 18 friends. *blink* I still hate MySpace though. But at least I’m not friendless. I won’t have to get all depressed and angsty because I have no friends on my friends list, or feel unloved because no one wants to talk to me.

People comment on my comment board. They read my bulletins. They check out my hot friends (it’s good I have hot friends, like Sam, because then guys stay friends with me in the hopes I will lead them to more hot chicks) So yes, I am loved on MySpace. I’m not a MySpace whore, I’m just a MySpace.. user. *shudders* It almost physically hurts to say that. Damn MySpace.

I actually have found something of worth on there, though. This quote: “Aw, you think I’m a stuck-up bitch? Well join the club, you slutty whore.” I love it. I’m going to make an image of it and post it everywhere.

Gentil is asleep as I write this. He looks adorable. =) Just so I don’t forget, last night, the 21st of December, 2006, was an important night in regards to our relationship. And that’s all I’m saying. I just wanted it written somewhere for reference, so I won’t forget the date.

Ciao. xo

The PostSecret gallery is fixed, and just in time for an update! So tomorrow there’ll be even more postcards, yay. I also want to work on the layout tomorrow, cause I’m bored of this one.

Now I’m going to bed, though, cause it’s late and I’m tired. Oh wait, no.. I better do the categories first.. *grumbles*

-EDIT- Categories have been done, yay.