Well, as of yesterday I am officially living with Gentil! In sin, as my mother so kindly pointed out. In jest.. I hope. The girls aren’t coping all that well, unfortunately. Katie is taking it exceptionally hard. She sobbed on the phone to me last night, and it damn near broke my heart. I can only hope that in time they will adjust and learn to live with the fact that their big sister has a life that doesn’t revolve around them any more. I miss them already, though, especially Mum! I think she is taking it hard as well, she misses having me around. Plus, she is worried about me making a mistake, I guess.

I’ve lived my life without mistakes for far too long, I think it’s about time I started to make a few of my own mistakes and stopped learning from the mistakes others have made. Although I don’t think that moving out is a mistake, it may (down the road) turn out to be one. If it does, then it does. I’m not worrying about it, for once. I’m just enjoying being out of home, independent and in love. Now all I want to do is get back to school and catch up there, and I’ll have my life back on track. My life certainly has been an interesting series of ups and downs, even at my relatively young age.

Everything fit into the spare room, thankfully. I have my new doona cover on my bed and the whole room looks very inviting. Rylee seems to be settling in well, and has been successfully going to her paper to do business. No accidents yet! She didn’t whine a lot last night, either, which I am thankful for. It broke my heart last time I tried to move her here with me and she whined all night, it honestly did. She hasn’t gone off her food, either, and she seems to be happy to spend time with Gentil and I. This weekend is Anthony’s birthday, and we’re going to take her with us to Sunbury. Anthony and Nicole have a little dog called Skye, so I hope her and Rylee get along.

I had a rather interesting encounter with an ankle-biter the other day. I was walking to the station, and an old lady was walking her little dog towards me. I moved off the path to allow room and the dog strained on the leash to get closer to me. As the lady passed me, it jumped on my leg, growling its little head off. I felt a slight sting, but I didn’t think anything of it. I just brushed the ankle-biter off and kept walking. A couple of steps later, though, the stinging got really bad. Like, ‘a thousand fire ants are biting your calf’ kind of bad. So I stop, and peel back my jeans.. and it turns out the little dog BIT me. Broke the skin, even! Thank god I had a tetanus booster three years ago.

I saw something written in the concrete near work the other day: “Bruce & Nat”. It reminded me so strongly of the relationship that Bruce had with his sister. I can definitely imagine them writing something like that in wet concrete. Even though I know it wasn’t them, it gave me a nice warm glow to imagine they did. Writing this has reminded me of something I meant to post AGES ago.. I will post it tomorrow. I also want to try and write something inspired by a picture I took a while ago, and when I have I think I’ll post it on the WB forums for critiquing. I have been attempting to write over the last few days, but have had some trouble.

McDonalds has been holding a competition for the naming of the new “NameIt Burger”. I cannot believe the name that was chosen as the winner: The Backyard Burger. Can I just say now, that this is the gayest name for a hamburger that I have ever heard of. The first alternate name I thought of was: The Backdoor Burger. *shakes her head* Terrible. Still, I’m sure the person who named is very happy, and good luck to them. They’re from Western Australia, so I’m not too shamed. At least they’re not from my state.

In other news, OldnGrey (the admin on SQ) has reinstated skill gain over time on the shard! I am SO rapt.. I doubt he even knows how excited I am. Now I can get in game and roleplay, and I don’t have to worry about sitting there double clicking a stack of firewood for three million hours, hehe. I’m very happy about this, and I really like the new gump that OnG implemented, too. It will make the options more accessible to players who may not even realise they’re there, despite the reminders.

I am reading Emma by Jane Austen at the moment, and I’m going to add a section next week to this site so I can post my thoughts and opinions on it. I have enjoyed it so far, despite the challenge of the different language. I’m surprised that a book so devoted to development of characters could capture my attention so entirely, but it has. I’m enjoying it immensely, and I’m planning on tackling Great Expectations by Charles Dickens next.

Ciao, everyone. xox

From a vantage point atop a hill, I watch the sky,
glorious bands of colour somehow penetrate my eyes.

Red burns fiercely, adoration intense,
Orange glows brightly, tireless zest.
Yellow quickly diffuses, refreshingly bright,
Green slowly settles, soothingly light.
Blue fades to indigo, threatening dark,
Violet takes over, imperiously stark.

From a vantage point atop a hill, I breathe a sigh,
glorious bands of colour slowly fading from my eyes.

‘Joyride’
August 19, 2007
© Chloe J. Spencer (a.k.a me, Lisa Fraser)

This weekend was absolutely wonderful. I stayed at Gentil’s, so we could celebrate our one year anniversary on Saturday. I can’t believe it has been a year already.. it feels like ten! Just kidding, hon. =) We saw The Simpsons Movie on Saturday, after having lunch at The Pancake Parlour. Best. Pancakes. Ever. (So FAR, as Homer would say.)

We borrowed movies over the weekend, also. Unfortunately, they were pretty crap. The time alone with Gentil was fantastic, though. I think we both needed it. Lately I’ve been staying at home a lot more, and he has been staying here on the weekends, so time alone has been very rare. It was a great weekend, and I’m looking forward to our next anniversary.

I posted a poem on WB tonight, which I will probably post here right after this blog post. I wrote it two, nearly three years ago, but I edited it tonight. I’m looking forward to seeing the response it gets. Right now though, I’m off to bed so I can wake up in the morning and hopefully go to TAFE.

The other day I was sitting in Mum’s office with her and Stephen, and Lute (her lorikeet) was attempting to get to me. He is the funniest bird ever, and will literally roll around in your hand. He loves being roughed up and kissed, and I think he is more dog than lorikeet. Anywho, Stephen starts singing this song, replacing “birds” with Lute, and “you” with Lisa. Mum turns to him and says, “You should go into entertainment.” To which I said, “Yeah, the kind where they laugh AT you, not WITH you.” Mum and I found it very funny.

I’d also like to comment on th fact that Katie asked to call her friend tonight. She was very excited, too. When I asked what her friend’s name was though, she said “I can’t remember her name.” I just about killed myself laughing.

Last Friday night, I left my scarf on the bus when Gentil and I went for dinner on the way to my Mum’s place. Not just any scarf, though. This is a scarf that my aunty made for me, that I have had for years, and that I consider one of my most treasured items. When I realised (after we had finished dinner, as I thought I had put it in my bag), I immediately checked my bus timetable and called my brother, asking him to run up to the bus stop and check the bus I had been on. He agreed, and ran up there. When I got home, Mum told me that the bus-driver had refused to let my brother on the bus, saying that it couldn’t possibly be that bus, and he had checked it only three hours ago. I was absolutely furious.

To make matters worse, I couldn’t even call the bus company until Monday. When I did, it hadn’t been handed in to lost property, unfortunately. I asked to speak to someone to make a complaint, and on Tuesday I received a call from Steve. I complained about the bus driver, and he was very polite about it. He assured me that it definitely was not acceptable behaviour and that the driver would be dealt with. I was happy with that (though I was still very upset about losing my scarf), and accepted his apology. I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that it was long gone, and someone had probably picked it up and taken it home. I was also trying to decide whether it was worse to never see it again and always wonder, or to find it destroyed.

On Tuesday night, coming home from seeing Gentil after work, the bus pulled into Epping Station (where it usually waits for what feels like a year) and I happened to glance out the window to my left. And there, hanging in a tree, was my scarf! This shows me how well karma works sometimes. I returned a scarf to SMC the other day (I don’t think I posted about it at the time for some reason), and in return, I found my scarf again. Thank christ for karma. I called everyone once I had found it, and even told someone in IRC (virtually a stranger to me, lol) about it. I could have cried with relief when I plucked it from the tree and found that it wasn’t destroyed, or even damaged. Just a little damp, and from what I can tell nothing nasty was done to it.

Now, I’m off to bed to get some sleep and hopefully wake up feeling rested and ready to do some more work.

I read an article today about an Australian farmer who went overseas to meet a woman he had ‘met’ online, and was kidnapped by a gang of men who had been posing as his online lover. I wasn’t exactly shocked by the news, but I was saddened. I can’t believe that a group of people would knowingly lead a 56 year old man on like that in order to gain money.

It makes one think about what kind of a place the world has become. I would never even consider treating another human being like that, but I have no doubt that my brother would. He would totally be in on something like that if he could gain from it. The world has become a scary place indeed.

I posted one of my old poems on the WB forums last night. It has only received two comments so far, which is quite frustrating, considering the effort I have put into critiquing other people’s work. Still, I suppose people may not want to hurt my feelings, or something. I have changed a lot since I was younger, though. People not liking my work doesn’t bother me any more, especially if they can produce a realistic argument and thoughtful reasons.

The one thing I am determined to do at the moment is research writing as a career in Australia. There is a lot of information about writing as an American career, but I don’t think it necessarily applies to Australia.

I did some work on Math sheets today, and I’m feeling rather overwhelmed. The one consolation I have is that I’m not behind in Biology or Chemistry, so as long as I stay up to date in those two subjects I should be able to catch up in Math. Getting to class is still proving a challenge, and currently even thinking about school triggers a bad response. I really hope that I can get back into it, and quickly.

I’m exhausted at the moment, yet find myself constantly unable to sleep. How very, very odd.

Tomorrow, I must post about my scarf, and the conversation I had with Mum and Stephen. Other than that, I’m not going to place any other pressure on myself.

I can’t believe how quickly time is moving lately.. it feels like just yesterday I posted that last entry. *sigh* The problem, of course, is that I’m so focused on avoiding the outside world I am completely immersing myself in the online world. I need to push myself harder, and yet that simple task of forcing myself is so very terrifying. I’ve pushed too hard in the past, and it’s damaged me, set me back. The last thing I want right now is another setback. I’m struggling to get to class as it is.

Tomorrow, I would like to sit down and write. Not anything structured, nothing that even makes sense necessarily. Just sit and write, for the sake of putting pen to paper. If there is one thing that this year has done, it would be forcing me to narrow down my career choices significantly. I have had to look at things logically, and detach myself from emotion to dissect the possible situations. It had led to some interesting realisations for me, and I’m glad that I’ve grown so much from it.

Teaching is definitely out. Consider the situation: I can’t make it into a classroom with seven of my peers, all of whom I get along with, and a fantastic teacher who I’ve known for nearly two years now. How am I going to make it into a classroom with 25 - 30 students everyday? Not to mention dealing with staff, and parents.. and the children themselves. What if I have a difficult child who makes me feel uncomfortable? I can’t simply take 3 weeks off work to recover.

This isn’t about placing limitations on myself, it is about recognising my limits. I don’t want to aim for a career that is going to be mentally and emotionally draining each and every day. I need to be able to cope with whatever career I choose, and a school environment is not where I’m going to excel. Maybe once I’m older I will be able to teach, but for now I don’t feel it is a realistic option. The Bachelor of Arts is still up on the ‘Maybe’ list, and I’m going to be searching for some more possible courses in the next few days.

I have been posting on Writer’s Beat fairly often these last few days, mainly critiques and posts on the Board Games. However tonight, I posted my work for the first time. I decided to submit Seduction for critique, mainly because I feel it is one of my best examples. Even looking at it tonight before posting I could see changes that I wanted to make, but I posted it in raw format, unedited. I wanted to get the first post on a new writing forum over, and quickly, so I didn’t dwell on it too much.

Now it’s time for bed, and sleep. Hopefully I will sleep well now that I’ve got the thoughts in my mind out of there! =)

I didn’t make it to TAFE today, which kind of bummed me out, but oh well. I’m working on it, and that’s all I can do. I have my Biology exam tomorrow, and a Chemistry class. Hopefully I’ll find out my marks on the Chemistry test, also. I have to work tomorrow from 4pm til 6pm, and then I’m going back to Gentil’s and we’re going to my place.

I found out that Centrelink rejected my application for the Away From Home Rate of Youth Allowance, and I have to resubmit my statement with “more detail”. *smh* So I’m going to do that and pray to God that they accept and approve it. Otherwise I can’t move out.. and I really, really want to. I really cannot wait until I’m away from home, and living with Gentil.

Today was my Uncle Rod’s birthday, and Gentil and I bought him a gift voucher from EB Games so he could buy Guild Wars: Eye of the North when it comes out on the 31st of August. He was pretty rapt, and I hope he enjoys it a great deal. Unfortunately Gentil couldn’t attend, as he was home with a stomach bug. =( I feel sorry for him.

I have narrowed the choices for next year down to two for the moment: Bachelor of Education and Bachelor of Professional & Creative Writing. Note that I say ‘for the moment’. This is because I have been known to change my mind at the last minute. Last year is a perfect example of this. I applied for the Multimedia course, then at the last minute (literally the last day to enrol), I chose to enrol in a Science course instead. So. I use the term ‘made up my mind’ and ‘choice’ very loosely.

I joined an online writers forum today, called Writers Beat. Hopefully I’ll be able to get some of my work critiqued and also offer my opinion to others about their work. I’m hoping it will also inspire me to write more poetry and fiction. At the moment, all the writing I seem to do is lists, this blog and Celeste’s RP. Still, any writing is good writing, I suppose. =)

Goodnight, everyone!