Archive for the ‘Events’ Category

Twenty-Two.

Saturday, May 2nd, 2009

Today, I am 22.

I could tell you about how I feel old, or how this particular birthday means I am absolutely, no questions asked, in the ‘early-20s’ camp. I could whine about how quickly the year went, or how much I miss being a teenager. There are a million things I could bitch about, to be honest, because who really likes getting older? Not me, that’s for certain. Not anyone I’ve ever asked.

The truth, though? I like being twenty-two.

Things are happening this year. My skin is clearing up, slowly; my teeth will be fixed, eventually; my hair will be cut and grown and cut again until I find a style that suits me. I feel like I’m growing more this year. I’m becoming more aware of my life, and the things I need to change to enjoy it more. I’m willing to make sacrifices in order to get what I want. I’m more confident, more assertive, more opinionated.

I’m learning to save, to put money aside for things. I understand that I will probably never enjoy clubbing or partying or spending time with large groups of people–and I’m okay with that. I’m beginning to realise that entering the workforce for the first time terrifies everyone. I’m getting better at allowing myself to be scared, or nervous, or doubtful and then doing it anyway.

I like who I’m becoming. Finally.

Giving Thanks.

Tuesday, January 20th, 2009

Thanks to my aunt and uncle, I have some very exciting news:

HP Pavilion DV5

That’s right, I got my new laptop. It’s faster, shinier (I am forever wiping the damn thing clean) and better than my old one. Except for the glossy finish, which is driving me completely insane - every time I touch it, I leave a fingerprint. Still, I got a fantastic deal on it (much less than HP’s recommended price) and it can do everything I need it to.

Guild Wars runs with all settings on high, consistently at 60 FPS. The Sims 2, also with settings on high, runs flawlessly. No more lag when building, or switching between levels, or loading a neighbourhood. I can take files from Photoshop to Indesign and back again with no glitches, or system lock-ups.

So, Uncle Rod and Aunty Vikki? Thank you.

(Oh, and? I’ve been writing more than typing lately. In a notebook, with a pen. It’s kind of nice, but I’m trying to find a way to merge the two with as little effort as possible on my part. Because, you know, I’m lazy. Heh.)

I Haz Sekret Kitteh?

Saturday, December 6th, 2008

So, I’ve had a secret for the last few days. Some people know, and are excited about it. Some people know, and totally aren’t excited about it; those people are never being told a secret in advance EVER AGAIN.

And, of course, some people don’t know and are going to be really, really mad about it. Like, disowning their niece mad about it, right after making sure said niece has no option but to bus it down to St. Kilda and whore herself out to survive.

Which is why I’m only posting about it now.

Say hello to Rissa.

I saved her from a gutter one cold, windy day last week. She is a long-haired tortoiseshell, perfectly healthy, and has already been wormed, vaccinated and vet-checked. She lives in the back end of the house, unlike my mother’s cat, and is adorably friendly until you make a sudden movement.

Be gentle, oh-so-charming uncle of mine, king of all the lands, sir.

The Results Are In.

Wednesday, November 5th, 2008

I channel hopped like a fiend this afternoon, trying to keep up with the US Election results. I sat in front of the damn TV with my laptop, glued to it all afternoon, not even doing homework. I despaired over lost states, rejoiced over the good ol’ blue areas, and cheered out loud when states converted. After several hours, I went to pick up the kids - reasoning that it would be at least an hour before the official result was announced - and by the time I got back, Obama had owned McCain.

I missed it. The most important moment of the entire election, and I missed it(1).

Despite that, I still cried when I found out. President Obama. It seems almost unreal to me, that the Americans learned from their mistakes and elected someone who appears to genuinely want change, someone who appears strong, decisive and capable. I don’t agree with all of Obama’s policies, but I agree with most of them. Perhaps more importantly, I agree with the messages he is sending, about the United States, about the world, about people. I believe in him.

Up until a few months ago, I didn’t really see a reason to care. I didn’t get it. Now, I do. I GET IT. I understand that each and every person who voted in this election helped bring about a change that will someday be in history books. I understand that although a lone voice can be easily silenced, when a large group of people speak at once, they are heard. I care, because Australia is the pampered bichon frise sitting on America’s knee. We need their firepower, their trade, their support - and America knows it.

So, I care about who extends the hand that feeds Australia. Not only that, but I suddenly care about who’s running my country, my state, my local council. I feel the need to inform myself, to learn about who exactly ‘they’ are, those nameless people who control my life, my freedom, my money. The 2008 US Presidential Election has finally awakened my interest in politics(2). I understand now why America is so caught up with patriotism. I was so proud, so happy, so relieved; politics really can bring people together.

Well done, America, and thanks for voting.

—–

(1) Thank god for cable TV, 24hr news channels, Twitter and YouTube.
(2) It’s actually all Sarah Palin’s fault. Really.

Halloween Resolutions.

Friday, October 31st, 2008

Twelve months ago today, I wrote out a list of things that I wanted to accomplish and sealed it in an envelope. On the back, I wrote: ‘I am going to change my life.’ Why did I choose Halloween to make my own personal statement about where I wanted my life to go? I have no idea; the action just struck me as a good idea. The most important things that I wrote down, in my opinion, were the following:

  • I have the power to change things in my life.
  • I am going to change the things in my life that I am not happy with.
  • I will start living the life I want to live.

In the last twelve months, my life has changed in a number of ways. No matter how hard those ways seemed at the time, I believe now that they were for the best. I am physically healthy, and reasonably happy with my face, my body, my fitness. My mind is clear and sharp; I’m organised, more efficient than I was before. I’m learning to balance work and play, learning to work within a timeframe and to a deadline.

Emotionally, too, I am changed. Despite the recent months of - to put it bluntly - bullshit, I have managed to bounce back and get on top of things once again. My moods remain more or less stable, I’m finishing up the school year with good grades, and I only feel like crying all day sometimes. Definitely an improvement. And, just to put the cherry on top, I’m doing it unmedicated.

I didn’t mention it earlier (in part because I didn’t want to jinx it, and in in part because I just wasn’t blogging that often), but since early March, I’ve been off my anti-depressant medication. I’ve never been happy about being reliant on a little pill everyday. I didn’t think it made me weak, but I did feel as though it left me less in control of my life. I liked being able to live, but I wanted to do so independently.

It wasn’t explicitly stated in my Halloween wish-list, but it was there: learn to control my social phobia (which has always been a trigger for my depression) without the drugs. I’m not jumping to conclusions yet, but so far? So good. I’m not struggling to get through each day; I’m waking up with a list of things to do, an organised plan for the day and an optimism that surprises even myself.

Of course, I still have a million (okay, five) assignments to get done in an impossibly short amount of time. The difference is that this year I’m (over)confident in my ability to finish it all. I’m looking forward to next year, enjoying life as it happens and really settling into my skin, into who I am. I’m lucky, I know; some people take years longer than I have to reach this point in their lives.

I’m grateful for the last year, and hope the next is just as productive.

My life? It’s a great (if slightly nerdy) place to be.

No Punch Line.

Thursday, August 28th, 2008

When I was much, much younger than I am now (forgive the dramatic tone of that statement, but yesterday? I signed my eight year old sisters up for an online game that I have played, on and off, since I was ELEVEN. *gulp* The mortality? It frightens me.) I met a girl who could have – if I had been a sheep – lead me astray.

We were fourteen and I was on the outer with my usual group of friends (that’s a whole other post, and one day I hope I can write about it here), so instead of shying away from the strange girl with streaked hair and (oh my gosh!) piercings, I befriended her. It turned out to be the best friend-related decision I made that year.

Lyndsie and I have remained friends; close, despite the fact that we don’t speak more than every couple of months. She calls my Mum ‘mum’, and has never once looked down her nose at me or my family. It’s been years since we saw one another face to face, but I could still pick up the phone and tell her anything, everything.

For the last month and a half, I’ve been trying to get in touch with Lyndsie. I sent text messages, I e-mailed, I called. She never responded, and her phone was off, a lot. At first, I figured she was busy; I knew she had only just gotten a new job, and so I didn’t stress too much. Then, yesterday, I got a phone call:

My mum and nephew were killed in a house fire.”

I expected a flamboyant, ridiculous excuse for her being busy. Like, eloping in Vegas. Falling pregnant. Moving to another country. Lyndsie is a crazy, impulsive person; she takes risks. Not once did I expect to hear her voice, detached and strangely robotic, telling me how her dad is barely coping, but she is, ‘all right’.

God, she really isn’t. Her voice cracked, and she struggled – sounded almost human – on the ‘all right’, and even over the phone my eyes burned with tears. She is not all right, or okay, or even coping right now. I can’t do anything to help except be here for her – and even then, only on her terms.

‘I’ll call you Monday,’ she told me, ‘when I can talk.’

I’d like to say that I rushed over to her place right away and sat with her for hours, talking in that silent way that friends – that Lyndsie and I - do. I didn’t, though. I won’t. She asked me to wait until Monday, until she’s ready to talk about it. Part of being a friend, part of supporting someone, is respecting their need for space.

Of course, mixed in with the concern for Lyndsie are my own selfish fears. My mother’s operation and the changes it effected have already made me acutely aware of how little time I could possibly have with her. To imagine going through what Lyndsie is, even being prepared (as I would be), touches and hurts me deeply.

When I was about fifteen, I remember hearing from a friend that a classmate’s mother had died. She fell asleep at the wheel while driving home from work; the tree she ran into was around the corner from her house. My friend’s father was a volunteer rescue worker, and he was called to the scene. She was his friend, too.

I couldn’t imagine being Kimberly (or her younger sister), losing their mother right as they began maturing into women. I understood that she was angry, that she missed her mother, but my mind refused to even imagine myself in her place. I simply clung tighter to my own mother, and tried to forget the incident.

Kimberly and I weren’t friends, really, so it almost worked.

But, I can’t forget this one. Lyndsie will never forget it; her mother, stuck in a wheelchair. Her nephew Malik, only three years old. Lyndsie will hurt, ache even, forever. And because I have to remember, for Lyndsie, I can’t brush off the possibility of losing my own mother any longer.

The last month has been a bad joke – the kind without a punch line.

My Life Is A Lemony Snicket Novel.

Tuesday, August 19th, 2008

(Before I launch straight back into my usual whining, I’d like to say THANK YOU, to everyone who commented/messaged/called/e-mailed me to wish my mother well.)

Mum is home. She is home, and in a lot of pain – even though it will have been a week tomorrow since her surgery – and I am doing my very best to make things easy for her. I mean, I’m cooking, guys. Seriously, I’m frying stuff and stirring things and pouring liquids and everything. It’s horrible, but I’ll manage somehow.

Stephen is also home. He’s basically spent a lot of time playing computer and watching movies, and every time I eye him, all, ‘You could go to school today.’ he whines about how sore his leg is. I had to help him in and out of the bath, which was pretty much as awkward as it sounds. Fifteen years olds are hilariously modest.

My nana hurt herself today; she fell over at the supermarket and cut her hand up pretty badly. It’s all stuck together with what basically amounts to doctor’s duct tape, and she has a pretty nasty bruise. I bet you’re all wishing you were part of my family right now, huh? Yeah, we get all the fun. Where FUN equals DOOM.

School is.. well. With the exception of Editing, I’m pretty much caught up with everything. Desktop Publishing and Editing will take a bit of hard work, but my teachers – especially my Editing teacher - are awesome. They actually remember having lives, and they know shit stuff happens. I should be caught up soon.

I’ve been having major issues lately with companies taking money without warning. 3 took the money for my phone bill even though it had already been paid, and before that? Foxtel charged me almost double the amount they were supposed to, and then refused to give the money back except as a credit on my account.

Never mind the fact that I didn’t even want the platinum package, and that they don’t even broadcast Channel Seven or even that they took the money out on the WRONG DAY without issuing me a bill! I mean, c’mon! It’s Foxtel! They don’t need any of that fancy-schmancy customer service crap stuff. Losers.

Anyway, every time one of those fuckers idiot companies take money when they’re not supposed to, my account is empty (or close to it, because really? I’m a student, what do you expect?) and so they overdraw it. Then my bank is all, ‘Yo man, we spotted you that money yesterday, so we’re taking thirty bucks extra.’

You know, for effort. Or something, I don’t know. It’s one of the ways they make money, I suppose. Although, truly? I shouldn’t really bitch complain about my bank, because they have been awesome. They reversed two of the three charges (That’s right, people. Three times!) with no fuss, and didn’t make me wait hours on hold.

Unlike some companies, who could really use some of those customer service skills.