Or not, because I feel bad about disappearing on certain people.

(This post deals with vomit, and may offend those with weak stomachs.)

Basically, I’ve been sick this week. Really, horribly sick, with some sort of virus that not only made me want to sleep all day and night, but gave me such a horrible headache when I was awake that I had to eat Advil like lollies. On top of the virus and all the sleeping, my asthma played up and I had a few attacks.

My family will probably be thinking right about now, that it was only ONE asthma attack, but they’re wrong. See, this virus thing has been threatening for over two weeks now, and that’s why I was taking my Ventolin – because I had already experienced a minor asthma attack, along with some shortness of breath.

Anyway. At first, I figured it was the awesomely cold weather we’d been having, and I just ignored it. Apparently that pissed the virus thing off, because last week it got a lot worse. I made it to one class, maybe two, and I had a bad night with my asthma, but I thought I’d be better by the weekend. Boy, was I wrong.

Although, honestly? The weekend wasn’t actually a problem. I just didn’t blog during that time because I was playing WoW pretty much constantly, and I COULDN’T log off for unimportant stuff like eating and blogging when I could level instead! Yeah. I play WoW, now. I know; I said I never would, but I have been converted.

That previous sentence really deserves it’s own post.

Anyway, it was Monday when I started to feel sick again. And then, basically, I got into my mother’s bed on Tuesday morning – when I came downstairs to say hello and let her know I was awake – and I climbed out on Friday afternoon. In between, well. I slept. I took unhealthy – for me - amounts of Advil. Also? I nearly died.

Late on Wednesday or Thursday night, I woke up and realised that I couldn’t breathe properly, or really at all. I was taking in short gulps of air, so I sounded like a dog panting. My head was throbbing, aching so badly that I wanted to cry, and no one else was awake. Fantastic. Luckily, I had an asthma pump right next to me.

I turned on the machine and held the mask to my face, and about five minutes later I could breathe somewhat easier. I was also coughing – or trying not to – and every time I shook, the pain in my head would shoot into my eyes. Ouch, in other words. So, I went to take some Advil. No hesitation, you notice; I was pretty damn sick.

In retrospect, I should have made sure that I was awake before I attempted to take it. I probably should have used the pump until I could actually breath properly, too. But, whatever. I didn’t, and so I staggered out of bed, grabbed the Advil and tossed one in my mouth. Then I took a swig of Powerade and swallowed.

And wouldn’t you know it? The little shit of a pill got STUCK.

As an aside, before we get to the funny part of this entry, I don’t like taking pills. Ignoring my dislike of medication itself for a minute, I physically despise swallowing pills, capsules, whatever. I actually gag and feel sick when I think about taking them, and afterwards I shudder. So, yep. Keep THAT in mind.

What happened, you see, is that I had a Powerade bottle. They have that stupid pop cap thing on the end, so my ‘swig’ ended up being less than a mouthful. The pill got stuck halfway down, and I started gagging, but I was also trying to swallow at the same time, until – of course – I lost the battle, and spewed. Everywhere.

As another aside, I had goulash and rice for dinner.

I projectile vomited across the floor at the foot of Mum’s bed. I actually managed to get some on my laptop, which was on the OTHER SIDE. Crap. I freaked out, because I couldn’t breathe already thanks to the asthma, and- SHIT. As I was looking around frantically for something to clean it up with, I vomited AGAIN.

God. I whimpered a bit, trying to wake Mum up, because I was sure that I was going to choke on my own vomit, or need to go to the hospital, but she snored away, blissfully unaware of my predicament. And that’s when my body decided to really go wild. I had just grabbed a towel to clean up when it happened.

My stomach revolted, and instead of holding on to the towel, and trying to catch the spew or something, I dropped it and cupped my hands together. And somewhere between then and vomiting, my body had tricked me, because I didn’t just throw up, oh no. It came out of my mouth AND my nose – straight into my hands.

I kid you not. I was so worried about getting it everywhere that I actually cupped my hands together, threw up, and then ran into the bathroom. Anyway, I spewed into the sink, and I was running the tap and trying to get my hands clean, and my hair out of my face, all the while gasping for breath. Classy, eh?

When I was finally done, I started blowing my nose, trying to clear it of the nasty crap that had gotten up there. I couldn’t even believe that vomit had come out of my nose; I was still trying to figure out HOW it had happened. Anyway, I was blowing my nose and suddenly I heard a little ‘POP!’ inside my head.

And when I looked down, there was rice in the tissue.

Doesn’t that make being horrendously sick for a week worth it? I laugh every time I remember the rice, really. Although, my Mum telling me there “should be someone in the dwarven city” to clean up my vomit was also a bright spot. Thankfully, I am no longer sick – and as you can see, NOT DEAD – and so I can laugh about it.