A Gradual Decline.
I haven’t made a secret of the fact that I’m a quiet, introverted person.
Something I’ve noticed this year, though, is that I’m much quieter in class. I’m not sure exactly why. Different teachers? New classmates? No idea. What I do know, is that I’m back to blushing every time someone looks at me, and stammering when the teacher asks me a question.
It’s frustrating, considering how confident I was last year. And although I’m not stressing more than usual, the panic is crowding me a little now. I can feel myself slipping backwards, slowly. Just a little at a time, but isn’t that how it starts? Two steps backwards.
Maybe being aware of it isn’t enough.
I know how to go about getting support. That isn’t the issue. The issue is that I’ve been drug-free for two years now, and maybe this has been an eventual decline. Maybe this has been happening slowly for the last two years, and I’m only just now catching on.
My doctor warned me that not having the medication would be difficult. She thought I could do it, though. So did I. From where I’m standing right now, though, facing the rest of the year and then the years after that? It doesn’t seem so easy. The end result doesn’t seem worth the struggle.
Sometimes it’s easier to give up.
Tags: health, pwe, social phobia, thinking
May 15th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Don’t give up, you can do it.
Could it just be that you don’t know any of the class as well as you did last year.
You have managed two years, so you can do it, don’t let a few white clouds turn into a thunderstorm.
May 16th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Don’t give up my dear!!
I don’t completely know your story… but I believe a lot of how we feel is psychological. Don’t think about the drugs and whether or not they are the cause, the more you think of them the more you will feel they are your only solution, and they’re not!
You’re an amazing young woman, you can get back on top of it. As Worlock said, it could be that you don’t know the class members so well. A simple smile to someone could change their day and yours. Don’t be afraid. :)
xx
May 18th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
=)
Thank you.