So, I mentioned a while back that during a visit to Centrelink, there was a pregnant woman being disruptive. A few days ago, I had the privilege of riding in the same train carriage as her, on my way to class. And, just to make everything a lot more fun (!), four of her equally disruptive friends were with her.

The five of them were drinking cans of Woodstock, and laying about on the seats; feet all over the fabric, sloshing bourbon on the floor. Charming. As the train pulls up to a station, the pregnant lady spots someone from the corner of her eye. She drags one of the guys out to the platform that connects the carriages.

I should explain the setup, for those of you who have never been on a train in Melbourne before. Most of the train carriages have a door at either end, for access to the other carriages. In between, there are two flimsy chains and a floor that shifts beneath your feet. The total distance between carriages is less than a metre.

So, they run out onto the platform and start yelling at someone on the other side of the station. I couldn’t see him, but they were yelling something along the lines of, “Look at those glasses! Do you think you’re Elvis Presley?” Then they started laughing, and I tried to keep looking out the window as if nothing was going on.

You don’t mess with crazy people.

Later on, three of them (!), including the pregnant lady, huddled out onto the platform for a cigarette. I don’t know how they all fit, to be honest, but they did. By the way, loud disruptive people? Thank you so much for keeping the door open while you smoked, so not only did I freeze, but I also got to taste your secondhand smoke.

Charmed, I’m sure.

All was well for quite some time, after that. I wrote in my notebook, looked out the window and tried not to think about how tired I was, lest I fall asleep before I got to class. Then two girls got on, and the pregnant lady jumped up. The three of them did the big hugs and air kissing thing, then the two newcomers sat down.

The pregnant lady went back to drinking.

A young woman got off the train at the next stop. Standing at the fence, her back to us, she yelled to her friends, who were running up the walkway. The doors closed, and the pregnant lady’s guy friends looked at her fishnet stockinged less-than-perfect thighs and proclaimed, “That’s chunkalicious!” I seethed.

Shortly after that, one of the newcomers pulled out her phone and began showing her friend some pictures. The two of them laughed, then tittered - there’s a difference between the two - and my pen paused, then moved to a fresh line. I watch people a lot, and I know the signs. Something was about to happen. I wait.

Newcomer #1: “Check this one out.”
Newcomer #2: “It’s so big!”
Silence, as they stare in awe. (Seriously, they were gazing.)
Newcomer #2: “How did you, you know, get it..?”
Newcomer #1: “I know, right?” *smiles smugly*
Pregnant Lady: *snorts* Wait ’til I show my birth photos around, then you’ll have something to be impressed about!”

God, I love public transport sometimes.