Well, I go back to class tomorrow. The three day weekend didn’t feel long enough; on Friday I was thinking ‘Wow, three whole days. I’ll be able to get so much done!’ and this afternoon I realised that it was over already. It reminded me of school holidays when I was younger. When they first started, it seemed like you had forever, and then by the end you always felt like the time had flown.

In a way, I feel perpetually trapped in that time right before school starts, at the end of the holidays. Days, weeks and months have gone by so quickly. It shocks me that VCAL was two years ago, that three months ago I began PWE; I can’t believe Gentil and I broke up over a month ago now. Time is flying, really and truly whizzing past me. It’s scary, because I don’t feel like I’m changing that quickly. I feel stuck.

Next Friday, I will be twenty-one years old. I don’t feel twenty-one; I still feel like that scared, self-conscious thirteen year old. I almost feel as though I’m a fraud; at twenty-one you’re supposed to be an adult. Twenty-one year olds are supposed to look absolutely flawless and be completely independent.  Right? They’re supposed to have great friends, and go out on the weekends and care about how they look.

I know it’s only a stereotype, and I know there isn’t anything wrong with not being like that at ANY stage of your life, but somehow turning twenty-one makes me feel like I should be living like that. Instead, most of my friends are online, my idea of a good night out is actually in front of the computer, and the hair that I struggled with for the longest time and finally grew long? It’s usually piled up into a bun.

At the end of the day, though? I’m happy being where I am right now. I love being at home with my family, and yeah, I like being a bit of a nerd. And that’s okay, you know? I like watching the ditzy girls go out and make their mistakes; I like being the safe, cautious one. I doubt that I’ll have any wild tales to tell my children, but I probably won’t have any embarrassing confessions, either.

Thanks for listening. =)