I can’t believe how quickly time is moving lately.. it feels like just yesterday I posted that last entry. *sigh* The problem, of course, is that I’m so focused on avoiding the outside world I am completely immersing myself in the online world. I need to push myself harder, and yet that simple task of forcing myself is so very terrifying. I’ve pushed too hard in the past, and it’s damaged me, set me back. The last thing I want right now is another setback. I’m struggling to get to class as it is.

Tomorrow, I would like to sit down and write. Not anything structured, nothing that even makes sense necessarily. Just sit and write, for the sake of putting pen to paper. If there is one thing that this year has done, it would be forcing me to narrow down my career choices significantly. I have had to look at things logically, and detach myself from emotion to dissect the possible situations. It had led to some interesting realisations for me, and I’m glad that I’ve grown so much from it.

Teaching is definitely out. Consider the situation: I can’t make it into a classroom with seven of my peers, all of whom I get along with, and a fantastic teacher who I’ve known for nearly two years now. How am I going to make it into a classroom with 25 - 30 students everyday? Not to mention dealing with staff, and parents.. and the children themselves. What if I have a difficult child who makes me feel uncomfortable? I can’t simply take 3 weeks off work to recover.

This isn’t about placing limitations on myself, it is about recognising my limits. I don’t want to aim for a career that is going to be mentally and emotionally draining each and every day. I need to be able to cope with whatever career I choose, and a school environment is not where I’m going to excel. Maybe once I’m older I will be able to teach, but for now I don’t feel it is a realistic option. The Bachelor of Arts is still up on the ‘Maybe’ list, and I’m going to be searching for some more possible courses in the next few days.

I have been posting on Writer’s Beat fairly often these last few days, mainly critiques and posts on the Board Games. However tonight, I posted my work for the first time. I decided to submit Seduction for critique, mainly because I feel it is one of my best examples. Even looking at it tonight before posting I could see changes that I wanted to make, but I posted it in raw format, unedited. I wanted to get the first post on a new writing forum over, and quickly, so I didn’t dwell on it too much.

Now it’s time for bed, and sleep. Hopefully I will sleep well now that I’ve got the thoughts in my mind out of there! =)