Tempered Fragility

Disclaimer: I am not a parent. I just read a lot of blogs written by mothers.

The next time I read a blog post in which a parent worries endlessly about the new phase their child is going through, I’m going to post ‘YOUR LITTLE DARLING WILL SURVIVE. AND WILL PROBABLY GROW UP TO BE JUST AS ANXIOUS AS YOU.’ just like that, with capitals and everything.

Because frankly, I’ve had enough.

Children go through phases. Their tastes change as quickly as their moods. They are growing, and developing, and becoming real little people from the minute they’re born. Your boy-child may well like My Little Pony and playing tea-party with his stuffed animals when he is three. He might be climbing trees and catching all sorts of disgusting things for you by the time he’s four.

That’s called growth. Development. That thing that kids do.

If your daughter likes Disney princesses instead of Dora, then let her enjoy them. You have years to teach her about morals, and peer pressure, and inner beauty. There will be plenty of opportunities to show her that beautiful can mean many things, that she shouldn’t depend on men all the time, that she should make her own decisions. She’ll probably be more receptive when she’s out of nappies, anyway.

Likewise, if your son wants to do nothing more than dig in the dirt and play with toy cars, let him. Stop worrying about him thinking pink is for girls, or not wanting to play with dolls. He won’t always think like that; I’m sure you’ve matured somewhat since you were three. If you show him that men can be gentle too, that they can wear pink and cry and even feel, I think he’ll be just fine.

In short: if you’re laying awake at night wondering why your three-year-old isn’t challenging gender stereotypes at every opportunity, then you’re doing it wrong. Gender stereotypes are generalisations and they don’t apply to everyone. Stereotypical behaviour doesn’t guarantee that your child will be a helpless slave to their gender and everything it entails, either.

You, as a parent, have the most influence over the adult your child becomes.

Disclaimer #2: There are posts all over the internet where mothers (such as Her Bad Mother and Uppercase Woman) talk about this ‘issue’, but the real inspiration for this post were the hundreds (seriously) of comments left on various blogs where mothers everywhere worried, obsessed and stressed about how their little boys and girls weren’t quite the well-rounded individuals that mummy and daddy felt they should be.

Shit. This post sounds angry. I’m not angry. I’m just sick of parents worrying over every tiny thing, about stuff that shouldn’t even be an issue. When I was five, I loved wearing flouncy dresses and pretty shoes. When my grandmother let me wear lipstick, it made my day. I smiled and twirled and tra-la-laed, even. I adored Disney movies. I played with Barbie dolls and baby dolls. I wanted a prince to save me.

I’m not like that any more. I grew up; I became a different person. I like to think that I’m strong, that I can think for myself. I don’t need a boyfriend to be happy, or believe that I’m worth something. I understand that women and men are equal, and I hate stereotypes, as you may have guessed. I believe that I can look beautiful without makeup and a princess dress, too.

Growth. It’s a wonderful thing.

Also? TV will not kill your child. They won’t get turned away from college because you let them watch an extra hour of whatever brain-numbing show they happen to love. Everyone watches TV. EVEN YOU. So stop worrying that you’re going to rob your kid of the chance to be the next Einstein.

I found an interesting link today, via Bluepaintred’s site. Have you heard of ‘The Lazy Bloggers Post Generator’? It allows you to customise a whole heap of options that are then strung together to make a blog post, apologising for not blogging. Of course, I had to check it out, so here you go:

Crikey! I just climbed out from under my rock and realised I have not updated this since Hammertime was in the charts… You would not believe that my hands were chopped off and I was waiting for bionic ones. Apologies!

I am lost in a sea of pseudo-olde-english with an awfully big adventure, selling my soul to Google, just generally being a biatch to the servants, my day is passing in a blur from the light through yonder window breaks to whenever. I am putting money aside so I can run away. but this damned rock is heavy.

I absolutely, positively promise I will write something that makes sense soon. You have my word! I really, truly promise!

—

The sad thing is, it’s not that different from most of my posts, heh.

I used to be firmly entrenched in the ‘I hate iTunes’ camp, so much so that I boldy proclaimed, “I would rather use Windows Media Player than iTunes!” Those words have come back to bite me in the ass - surprise, surprise – because last night I discovered the beauty that is iTunes, and the Cover Flow view.

Why yes, shiny things do distract me easily! Why do you ask?

I’m also enjoying the fact that I can buy the songs that I like, instead of an entire album. Plus, well: Britt and Adam are on iTunes. This is a good thing, and they are both so much funnier than I thought, and their accents are SO CUTE. Plus, I love the fact that Britt gives Adam shit, the same way I pick on Gentil until he cries.

Speaking of Gentil, he actually came over for an all night movie session on Sunday night. We were trying to get our body clocks under control, and ended up having so much fun that we’ve decided we need to catch up more. Plus, you know, he has all the movies that I’m too cheap to buy, but really want to watch.

Also the ones that I’m too scared to watch alone.

Aside from organising my music collection, which is somewhat larger than I thought, I’ve been in bed since early morning. My throat, head and neck are killing me; I’ve resorted to using Advil, so you can be sure the pain is awful. It’s a stiffness, and an ache that makes my head feel about three times too big for my body.

Even with all the laying around, being sick sucks.

So, I called a blogger an ‘A-lister’ today, via twitter. When I got back from the-class-that-didn’t-happen (more on THAT later), Britt had posted a massive post about how she hates being called a rock star, or an alpha blogger, or a A-lister. Oops, I thought. Shit, shit, shit. So I went to read it, naturally.

I. Was. Floored.

In Britt’s own words, “the moment people start throwing words like “rock star” and “A-list” and “alpha” around, it makes a big joke out of something that means a lot to me.” Wow. Just, wow. So, I tweeted quickly about how I shan’t be doing that again, but I’m still. Just. Floored. Disappointed, too.

I’m disappointed that a comment I made, that was supposed to be supportive, uplifting, and send the clear message of, “You and your blog are awesome” was simply fuel for the fire that is Britt’s hatred of the term A-lister. Apparently to a lot of people, it brings to mind cliques and celebrity bloggers and popularity contests.

Hell, even I put it in quotation marks.

My own use of it is in reference to the blogs that I read every day, that I check twice a day, often. However, as an unknown blogger, I feel quite justified in saying that Britt is definitely up there when it comes to blogging popularity contests. And you know what? So she bloody should be, because she is a fantastic writer.

So, Britt. I apologise if you think a term that brands you as being popular, or being admired a great deal by your readers cheapens your writing, your reputation, or your blog. I meant it with the best of intentions, and while I know that you’re not jetting around the world and supporting your family by blogging?

300 unique visits and 30 comments a day are nothing to sniff at.

Maybe you – and anyone else who views the terms A-lister and alpha blogger as derogatory – should consider the other side of the coin. People respect you, admire your writing, care about your life. They consider you A-listers in the blog community because of your influence on their lives, not because of your income.

Behind the hype and craze of a new ‘net term, are people who use it for the right reasons, and with nothing but good thoughts. Keep those people in mind next time the terms are tossed around, please. Try to remember how they meant it, and take the label as an indication of how many people respect and care about you.

And hey? Feel free to share around some of that ‘A-lister’ goodness. ;)

So, I’ve been absent for a little while. Five days, to be exact, and since I usually blog everyday or every second day, that’s kind of a big deal but since no one is hanging on my every word and waiting for me to post it really doesn’t matter, right? *deep breath* Anyway. I’ll explain while I’ve been away, then we can get on with it.

A couple of months ago, I discovered some really awesome blogs. Like, read every day and have a laugh type blogs. And through those blogs, I found some more blogs, which I also quite liked. And then, just as I was sort of settling into the groove of these shiny NEW blogs, the shit hit the fan, and the blogosphere folded in on itself.

Although none of it affected me personally, seeing the drama unfold made me think. I didn’t post at first, but it was on my mind. People were being attacked, with material that they had posted, the very material that had helped forge the friendships and connections with the bloggers that were now turning on them.

Blogs were closed. Insults were thrown. Relationships were destroyed.

And I know, I’m over here in my little corner of the blogosphere, and I’m not one of the big movers and shakers. I’m not talked about, or really known about at all, and I wasn’t even personally involved, so why would it affect me? The answer is really simple: I was beginning to care about the people who were involved.

As bloggers, we share our stories and our lives freely. We put no limits on who can read about our children, our family or our relationships. We post embarrassing stories, make fun of others, and create friendships through our writing. The recent drama has proven that being so open can, will and does backfire.

In a major explosion and fanning of shit, no less.

So, for the last week, I’ve been thinking about the drama. It has made me look at my blogging differently, but not in the way you might expect. Britt recently posted - in a response to the drama, almost - something along the lines of ‘you get hurt in real life, as well as online’. She’s completely right.

Betrayal, revenge, pettiness, jealousy. Those things - those dark, sneaky and horrible things - are a part of life. They’re human traits, human emotions. And shit happens, doesn’t it? Whether it’s on the internet or during your lunch break at school, shit happens. People lie, or cheat, or break your heart.

Online and off, we survive.

Despite the potential for backlash, I am going to continue being open and honest on my blog. I will continue posting about my life, and I will do so without fear or doubt. It’s not about rights so much. It’s about strength. I know that I am strong enough to defend my online life against potential haters.

And, this week? I will go back to commenting on other people’s blogs.

I wanted to sit and write tonight, but now that I’m here, I find that I don’t actually have all that much to say. I’ve been relaxing this weekend, not doing much of anything - except for Guild Wars and The Sims 2 - and although life has gone on around me, nothing much has really happened.

I joined a blogging community called ‘20 Something Bloggers‘, since Bronnie invited me, and I liked what I saw while I was poking around. There are a lot of really awesome blogs on there, and let me tell you something: it is a really good thing that I’m not blogging to get famous, because there is NO WAY I can compete.

Just the number of blogs in existence is staggering, and when you begin to read them, you figure out very quickly which are the popular ones, and which aren’t. Mine will never be popular; I don’t blog about sex, I don’t have kids, and I certainly don’t post hilariously detailed snippets of my life every other day.

I feel like it should bother me, like I should care about how many people visit every day. I don’t though, not really. I check my blog stats maybe once a week; it’s not a priority for me, and I’m never horrified by the number, despite my excitement that one time. I just don’t care whether people are entertained, or not.

God, that sounds so nasty, doesn’t it? Don’t take it to mean that I don’t care about the people who DO read here everyday, who read about my life and keep coming back for more. I do, and I love it when people comment, or e-mail, or randomly add me to MSN. I’m just saying, if those people didn’t exist, I would still blog.

I’ve been talking about blogging a lot lately, haven’t I? Perhaps if I had left the house over the weekend, I’d have more to say. But I am lazy, plain and simple, and I had the option to sit around and play games, and I mean seriously, who would pass that up? It was glorious, every single second of it.

Even when the kids were whining at Mum and me about hunger, or something.

Like the title says - they really do. Before you go getting your panties in a knot, don’t assume that I’m talking about people like Heather, Becca, Melissa, or Crystal - because I’m not. See, all of the women I just listed are bloggers, that’s true. They all have children, yes. Fortunately, these women have something other than children to blog about. They don’t have ‘mommy blogs’, they are mums who blog. Big difference.

No, the blogs that piss me off, are the ones with sidebars so full of causes and competitions that your eyes hurt when you look at them. The blogs where every post is about some new child related product, or competition, or in support of a new cause. Fair enough, shit happens and donations genuinely help people - but how do these women manage to grow such a huge readership when that’s all they post?

I love reading about parents and their children - and the inevitable chaos and drama that comes with it. What I don’t like is seeing pages full of product endorsements, competitions, memes and other people’s content. *sigh* I don’t know, maybe I’m just in a bitchy mood? It just seems like those are the only types of blogs that I’ve found tonight while browsing, and it bugs the crap out of me.